I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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