Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
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A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
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At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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