I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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