So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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