I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad