he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.