when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!