Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.