the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck