I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
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He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
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My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course