i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas