I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
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I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.