Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
