In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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