I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize