how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
