3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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