OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
