Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
