drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
