did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize