i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
