you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
