He had one of those small greek statue penises
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
