He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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