I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
