i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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