u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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