Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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