I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
