At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
we're so committed to being not committed
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
