Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize