Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
