dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
