I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
