so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
