wanna go halves on a baby?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
