and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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