Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
