Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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