I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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