I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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