my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Small penises have feelings too.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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