"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
