he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
