Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
