she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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