life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
