He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
high people should be assigned attendants
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
