Define "chronic" masturbator.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
