That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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