If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
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Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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