hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
