I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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