explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All the doctor said was why
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
