planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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