and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
