Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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