Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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