I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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