im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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