i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
