What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize