The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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