I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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