it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
