I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
