The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
