I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
