OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
this is an emotional support booty call
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
