I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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