He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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