We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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