Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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